| She thought I was romantic, but then the gun went off |
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Shes like flowers on the pavement
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| fucked up, like my life <3 |
[09 Nov 2006|08:12pm] |
Opening Credits: Elliot Smith-how to take a fall
Waking Up: Velvet Underground- oh! sweet nuthin'
First Day At School: Breaking Pangea- Worst Part
Falling In Love: My Hotel Year- Not Bad (for ninja)
Fight Song: Beatles- Strawberry Fields Forever
Breaking Up: Good Charolette- Motivation Proclaimation
Prom: Foo Fighters- Everlong
Life: Rufio- Just a Memory
Mental Breakdown: Her Space Holiday- Tech Romance
Driving: The Libertines- Road to Ruin
Flashback: Sunny Day Real Estate- Every Shining Time You Arive
Wedding: Cream-Sunshine of Your Love
Birth of Child: The Roots- Break You Off
Final Battle: Oasis-Born On a Different Cloud
Death Scene: The Movielife- This Time Next Year
Funeral Song: The Strokes-When It Started
End Credit: Red Hot Chili Peppers- Funky Monks
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[06 Sep 2006|09:58pm] |
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although it will depress me indefinitely, i am really excited to see the last kiss
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| two states |
[05 Aug 2006|01:48pm] |
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music |
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smashing pumpkins |
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how does one live a life where up is down and bad is good. my sense of life is inverted sometimes walking with a blindfold on would be more useful its like i have to teach myself to walk all over again and its not that im out of it im just somewhere else
what to do!!!
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| queen bitch |
[07 Apr 2006|01:55pm] |
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on my way back up the hill in the rain-
the beautiful fiery red head with snow white skin and subtle freckles, tall, lanky, totally rocks the 'my pants are always above my ankles and i don't give a fuh', speaks with a slightly irish accent,king of all that is fuzzy and fabulous, dance extrodinare/ experimental dj, embodiment of cool ( and sadly homosexual). smilled at me. it filled my life with joy
oh and he doesn't walk, he glidezzzzz.
anyway, yeah my life next year is so uncertain
but this weekend will be bangin'
love it.
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| please let me keep this memory, just this last one |
[02 Mar 2006|10:47am] |
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this past weekend was insane
its snowing out
im drinking some good chai
hopefully i'll have the motivation to draw all day
and read
cause im not going outside
and watch eternal sunshine for the 10th time
i realized there is a scene where they are in grand central (my current life)
and ride the same train as me
we may go to montauk soon, just for kicks
home in a week
i need warm weather
please let it all be okay
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| true love waits |
[09 Feb 2006|02:56pm] |
so i learned today that good bye is actually a contraction- short for may god be with ye.
its so cold, 35 degrees to be exact. they are forecasting snow tommorrow. i rode in a taxi today and literally wanted it to last forever, westchester is gorgeous- if only i had a car to drive around and admire. i miss cars. the black guy at the gas station which i always pass who always says "hey pretty girl" asked if he could pick me up later to which i said "no". ahh such a bitch, but it kind of creeped me out so what can i do. spring break is soon and crazy long (17 days)- college breaks basically rock.
my weekend in CT was lovely. Sarah is my wife and my life.
the TREOS video shoot was amazing, the guys are lovely and their manager(star of the video) is incredibly handsome- future husband list material. i'll most likely look strange in the video- some short blonde girl admist a bunch of guys who are really into it. me and this girl really clicked and she saved my ass and 100 dollars by giving me a ride back to middelton- i went to her boyfriend's show with her which was much like a same people, different universe (compared to shows in south florida). the took me in and bought me dinner, aw. crazy, those nights where you look around and can't logically put together how you got there- save mind altering substances. i realized i'm developing an overall wholistic sense of being, nothing related to emotions. reguardless, i needed this..
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| this is becoming an issue |
[29 Jan 2006|11:04am] |
last night was the first time i've genuinly been upset over meeting someone, being attracted to them, admiring their intellect, adoring their manner of speech, and just overall their way with things. you know me when i meet a guy i'm into (it happens rarely).
...and finding out he's gay. not wanting to believe it.
sigh lyfe
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| we are not a faceless corporation and you are not a number tracked by a database |
[20 Jan 2006|12:55pm] |
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first week of second semester= fairly smooth, fairly long
i've decided to take alot of time to myself this year, i need to work on alone time and enjoying it to the fullest. it's somewhat a necessity in these parts- enjoy yourself cause it's all you really have most of the time. and if by luck, good karma, the way things lead on to way you have more than that- it's truly special, and you recognize it. its a difficult transition going from a 24/7 lifestyle to the need for peace, self security and comfort.you begin to see the importance of health when the alternative isnt there. we'll see.
my social representation class kind of intimidates me. i'm by far the youngest in the class.the teacher is captivating though. i'm contemplating doing research on comparative cross-cultural social representations of love i.e. american, latin american, european.
first weekend back in the city= delight.
last night i watched me, you, and everyone we know. it kind of confirmed to myself my theory on today's society= we live in a time period of isolationism and self involvement. along with the supersaturation of pretty much everything, we as a society subconsciously put up walls, dividing ourselves from the unified world. the global invasion of ipods symbolizes the self resignation into our own agendas and lifestyles without regard to much else that could be out there. which is cool on some days,i dig individualism. its so difficult to connect with strangers this day and age, you almost p(r)ay for reasons to meet the right people. since there is conventionally "no point" for that which doesnt involve material successful or status, all the impractical pursuits get lost. a difficult era for hopeless romantics, visionaries, and dreamers. watch it.
but i just want something simple and strong,eternal, yet always satisfying. i'm over alot of things i used to think i stood for. i don't desire
half the things i used to. i just want what everyone else wants- i'm a human and i need to be loved. forever and ever amen.
"People think foot pain is a fact of life, but life is actually better than that.
I'll say. You should get some. Your whole life could be better. Starting right now"
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| the only thing that'll make me feel remotely better |
[04 Jan 2006|05:13pm] |
so heres my new years entry-
cause i make those
"todo manana, nuevo ano"
im basically a broken down car thats pointless to fix
so i'll buy a new one
faster, sleeker, more vibrant
more turns, coastal drives, uphill battles, and downhill free for alls
yes this sports car is red and is a two seater
im going places, and i'll take you with me
if you want to come
not fire engine red, monroe red
and i'll let my fires burn
"when will children learn to let their wildernesses burn
and love will be new never cold and vacant"
if moderation is preservation, then happiness must be extinction.
if moderation is smooth and even, then happiness must be turbulent.
if moderation is comfort, then happiness must be agony.
if moderation is reliable, then happiness must be hallucinatory.
if moderation is zero, then happiness must be infinite (negative and positive integers)-anything is possible.
if moderation is a warm bed, then happiness must be a kaleidoscope.
if moderation is a transparency, then happiness must be a distortion
if moderation is artlessness, then happiness must be experience
if moderation is a way to live, then happiness is life without the style
if moderation is drunkenness, then happiness is intoxication
if moderation is rest, then happiness must be a fever
if moderation is quantity, then happiness must be quality
if moderation is good, then happiness is unprincipled, a libertine
if moderation is cover up, then happiness is red lipstick
if moderation is routine, then happiness is bygone days
if by moderation you fade away, then by happiness you burn out
if moderation is inconsequence, then happiness is fame
if by moderation you disappear, then happiness is enduring, inerasable, memorable...unforgettable
if moderation is a disullion, then happiness is cold truth-with a heavenly illusion if you're willing to see
if you always feel good in happiness then you have no heart, yet if you accept moderation you loose your soul
if moderation is murder, then happiness must be hope
so far i accept that i'll never be moderate because i'll always be curious. i guess thats my clarity.
and if anyone ever figures out what exactly balance is- i do believe they could live forever.
happiness + balance = live forever.
"the end, oh the end, we live again"
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| hahah |
[15 Dec 2005|11:24am] |
excerpts from my last "buddhist philosophy of emptiness" class of the semester:
"I became interested in Buddhism after dropping acid"
"Most of the leading professors in Buddhism today who teach at Yale, Harvard, Princeton ect were all a bunch of hippies who got into Buddhism as a result of heavy drug use".
"I was drafted in the Vietnam War and gave the government back my draft card. They promptly returned it without the student deferral. I was now a class A. I applied for social concientious (claiming passivist- under no circumstance would they kill another human being) which was a complete lie. I would have killed alot of people."
-my professor
oh my goodness. a conclusion to my 21 page psych paper and 1 more class then im fin. whats up
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| gasoline for white girls |
[10 Dec 2005|08:51pm] |
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mood |
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sad but confident |
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music |
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THE LIBERTINES |
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my one love
the reason my heart beats (too) fast.
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| i don't remember lying ( i really don't care) |
[19 Sep 2005|01:21am] |
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mood |
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can't breathe! |
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there is no such thing as a law in nature. you're sure the sun will come up but that is not a logical conclusion, as if it were abiding by a code of conduct.
so sanity should ensue with a new day, a sunrise. but it is never promised. tommorrow is never promised.
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[18 Sep 2005|09:21pm] |
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"and your magazine husband who one day just had to go"
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| love for sale |
[09 Sep 2005|01:42am] |
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mood |
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sigh |
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music |
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ella fitzgerald |
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i can be your rock if you will be my radiator.
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[30 Aug 2005|11:24am] |
Since everyone is doing these first few day updates, I figure I should. Possibly for documentation purposes.
To be honest I've had an easy time meeting people, almost everyone I talk to I'm able to have a quality conversation with, I like that. Alot. I love my roomates, they are my homegirls.
So Eugenie and I walk into our room and our RA says " you girls are lucky- you are in yoko ono's room which she handpainted while she was here". !!!! Do you understand I brought a Beatles poster to hang up.
Lynd house is so adorable, we really lucked out with rooms and everyone is easy to get along with. This girl Kat is seriously the most hysterical person I ever met, and others everyone is really special I can tell.
This college is incredibly hysterical, sarcastic, and obscene- ESPECIALLY the administraion.
For the first time in my life I actually enjoy chilling out in my room. [ FOR NOW]
I've been drinking unreasonable amounts of coffee... to help me deal.
Oh this boy who probably does coke and talks exactly like conner oberst and dresses questionable sterotypically nice ( not metrosexual) but hes obviously trying to be hot. lust.
My first years studies teacher/ acadmeic advisor/ the godfather of my education used to be a buddhist monk in India for 10 years. His daughter graduated from wesleyan. I like him alot.
My first night I seriously went through major withdrawel, wow. That was a new type of feeling. It gets better, though everyday I get used to this fact. Being alone and an individual takes an incredibly amount of bravery, i realize.
I like calling people from home.
Its bittersweet, how great it is here- its wonderful but sad that its away from people I've grown to love so much. This must be a lesson.
Last night Rob Corddry from the Daily Show was here last night, hysterical. Afterward we went to this girls room and drank a bit and went dancing.
I like what Eugenie said, its a bit premature but I'd say we have a little posse going for us.
I've been walking a ridiculous amount, we have to go on all these interviews that are semi- stressful but I enjoy the productivity. I can't wait till classes start.
Theres this girl Shana who is from Manhatten who is hysterical as well. She loud and wears Ms. Sixity jeans and smokes her brains out but always makes anyone feel welcome over the little things,awesome. Everyone I encounter brings out something new in me, its good.
Its the right place for me, but oh how these things hurt at times. The whole moving thing, I never suspected maxing out had a price. At the end of the day I don't mind paying it.
As goes my personal philosophy- always did just about anything for a feeling. Life hurts but its beautiful, I'm beginning to understand these types of things.
Its gorgeous here.
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[19 Aug 2005|11:45am] |
sometimes i like to think of life as a myriad of tests and illusions.
when i was younger i used to love to swim, honestly i thought i was a mermaid- it had such a sense of freedom ( escape from the "world") and it made me feel almost unearthly- i always looked for things that made me feel like that. i used to close my eyes in pools and moved how i felt at the moment and about 20 minutes later i'd open my eyes end up somewhere completely different-it's such a crazy feeling- try it if you don't believe me. i was always LIKE that. i'd like to think the weird quirks when you are younger manifest into greater things in our futures. we can really learn alot from ourselves if we only look back to primitive simplicity. i think it's the best way to deal with these types of life changes, closing eyes- plunging in, moving in a manner not concerning our surroundings but our hearts. and maybe that simplistic, special unearthly feeling will develop and amount to something useful and rewarding. the insincere will be eventually weeded out.perhaps the feeling that lead will also proceed. all pain can be healed, all lies will disintegrate, and what remains is only what was always there, courage, faith, heart, and love. the tests are there in order to vindicate, validate, proof that the path of most resistance always stands the test of time. it's hard for a reason ladies and gentlemen.
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| We used to be this dying breed. |
[15 Aug 2005|12:59pm] |
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mood |
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 productive |
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"fuck, thats us"
happy birthday brigitta vosu, in the next 48 hours my heart is going to breakk. <33
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| I'll be twenty-three |
[16 Jul 2005|10:41am] |
thought:i'd love to turn you off.
this was my golden year.
i'm turning 18 tommorrow.
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